Paint it Black

2004-01-04T17:31:00.000-05:00

Greatest, most Fumka-like moments of the weekend:

1. Reading random Spanish on my own pants and finding it highly humorous, even though I put it there.

2. Standing in the kitchen at two in the morning with my head on the counter making coffee.

3. Walking back to the bedroom with -two- cups of coffee, one presumably for Libael, and silently thinking, "...Why are there so many fucking cats in this house?"

...It's a beautiful thing.

Soul: Crazy Tired

Sounds: Movie on TV

2003-12-25T08:50:00.000-05:00

Zing!

Hey, Merry Christmas everyone!

I'm alive. Innit that nice?

Soul: A little bit of everything

Sounds: Legend of Zelda - Gerudo Vally done by the something or other Orchestra

2003-11-16T12:01:00.000-05:00

Meh.

I hate changing my e-mail. Then changing everything that has my old e-mail on it.

Soul: Tired

Sounds: Manu Chao - Bongo Bong

2003-11-08T12:56:00.000-05:00

Neeeeee.

I'm almost done with a new layout. BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME.

But... yeah.

*stretches*

Soul: Just woke up. Mmm.

Sounds: Whatever movies going on in the living room

2003-11-03T20:08:00.000-05:00

Moue.

...happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me-ee...
happy birthday to me.

...Where is everyone?

Soul: Mer.

Sounds: Nothing, really.

2003-10-05T20:57:00.000-04:00

Same old shit, just on a different night.

I have this feeling if I bawl out my eyes sometime soon, I'll feel better. I feel a little under it as of late, you know?

I've got a hugue ass report due tomorrow. I got a little info on corn seeds and whatnot, I think I might just pull the rest out of my ass. It'd be more effective. Fucking science. If we taking dead animals apart, I wouldn't complain half as much. What the hell else is biology for? Tell me how to take things apart, God damn it.

In other news, I got two new CD's today. Nickelback's The State and Curb... I just have to burn THe Long Road off of Pij and I'll be good.

I want to go cry now cause then I'll be better.

Soul: Tired. PMSy.

Sounds: Nickleback - For You

2003-09-19T16:05:00.000-04:00

I haven't changed, but I know I'm not the same.

*Insert meaningless angst post here*

I going to an acting workshop tonight. Yay. Oh. I got a Deviant account, too. My username's zinfandel, for anyone who might care.

Soul: Out of it

Sounds: Identity

2003-09-14T21:17:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is a Monday, and I feel irrelevent.

Actually, not parrticularly. I typed it, and didn't much feel like back spacing. Ho hum. Tomorrow, however, is Monday, and that leaves me feeling rather... Blah.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow.

I have nothing interesting to say. We had a party for Helen today. It was nice.

Soul: Tired.

Sounds: Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers, and the thunder in the background.

2003-09-09T17:19:00.000-04:00

Long time no see?

It's been awhile, ne? Not like there's not much new... Got dragged to Maine, got dragged to school... School started about two weeks ago. What a big pile of suck. Actually, come to think of it, it's not all that horrendeous. First and second period are your average crap subjects (math et biology) but after that I have a piano class and then chorus. I'm in Varsity this year. 'Tis very nice.

I've been doodling lots of stuff as of late... and I've got lots of other stuff to doodle. At the moment, I feel like drawing something morbid... that might on account of the fact I'M BLEEDING.

Argh.

I'm going to go shower, or something like that. Yeah.

Soul: Indifferent

Sounds: Damien Rice - Volcano

<3 this song.

2003-08-10T18:37:00.000-04:00

Fucking a.

I am so fucking pissed right now.

I don't even know what the hell to do with myself, I'm so seethed. I twitch, I glance off, I wander angrily around the house, and I fucking want to kill something. I would make myself some coffee, but then I'd just fucking twitch and get nervous about nothing in particular.

That's beside the point. In about four days I'm going to get dragged six fucking states away where I'm going to sit in the middle of the fucking woods doing absolutely nothing. And there's NO GODDAMNED REASON WHY. Besides the point I'm "Fifteen, and this year will be one of my last, and that I should spend with my family since I won't soon."

FUCK THAT.

If my mother fucking says it's "going to be one of my last years" IT'S GOING TO BE MY LAST FUCKING YEAR. Like fuck I'm going back next year if they're dragging my ass up there this year. I'll have no one there, and even though Matt's about as fun as a hemerrhoid, he keeps me entertained, at least. No one's going to be there, and I'll have nothing to do but sit on the couch, listen to music, and draw.

Like that's ever-so-different from what the fuck I'm doing here.

Whatever. They're making me go, and I'm not going fucking pleasantly. If I don't get out of this by Wednesday, someone's really fucking going to pay for it.

Soul: What the fuck do you think?

Sounds: My mother babbling on the phone.

For the record, my life is rated NC-17. I think this might be on a count of I say "fuck" a lot. Hm.

2003-08-03T14:20:00.000-04:00

Woo.

I really hate today.

Like, really.

Fuck. Just... fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Soul: Moody

Sounds: Nothing.

2003-07-31T13:00:00.000-04:00

What's up with this?

God, I'm such a lazy bum. I haven't really been writing here, my real journal, or just about anywhere. I suppose not much has been going on, really.

Mm... P-chan got back from South Am-er-i-ca, and Steve came back from Florida at about the same time... That was nice, considering a good half of my best friends ran off on vacation for a MONTH. GAH. Well, that's beside the point. Amanda's birthday was on Monday, so I called her... We decided to go see Pirates of the Caribbean, and tie P-chan up and drag her along as well... Wee. Pirates. Gotta love pirates.

Aside from which, I can't say I've been up to much. I never bothered to point out that I'm in The Legend of Sleepy Hallow with PLA. Our first preformance is this weekend... Ugh, make-up. I just washed out all of the crust and hairspray out of my hair from our dress rehersal lazt night. Tré gross.

But... well... Not all is new and groovy. I suppose I'm out.

Soul: Laid-back; mellow

Sounds: The rhythmic takka-takka of my keyboard. so much love.

P.S. I already know what I'm getting people for Christmas, yet don't know what I'm doing for Halloween. CHRIST.

2003-07-17T00:20:00.000-04:00

Cheese.

I don't really have anything to post. It's just been a while.

Yeah.

Yeee-ep.

Alright. Goodnight.

Soul: Tired

Sounds: Ayumi Hamasaki - Fly High

2003-06-30T18:28:00.000-04:00

Weee...eee...eee?

To-day is... certainly interesting. I'm good, happy, dandy, fine, but I'm about to fall over due to sleep deprivation. Aside frrom that, my stomach hurts a little and I feel like little flu-like, but I think that may be from not sleeping.

Let's see... Saturday night Nicole had her graduation party, which I went to. Everyone that was with us conked out at about... Eh, three thiry-ish, I'd say, but I stayed up talking to this guy I met named Matt, otherwise known as Jesus, who was pretty cool. Tré shibby. So... We stayed up until it was light outside and then some. At 10:30 or so I snoozed for a little bit, but then woke up. I got dragged home then, (I forget to ask Matt for the URL to his site. Foobah.) and P-chan came over. Wee. She's leaving me for A MONTH so... I'm cramming time. Gotta love South America but DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

So... it sucks so bad. So bad. Whether she believes it or not, I'll miss her. (Alright, so I won't curl up and cry in a corner every night. I exaggerated ^^;) So... BLAH. Anyway, we crashed in the basement (She actually beat me in a chess match. I was so very caught off guard.) and went to sleep at about four after planning most of Jeliel and Noir's life and coming up with random, drunkard nicknames for Tabris.

Wee. So... all together, in the time between Saturday to Monday I in all got about seven hours of sleep. It was all right. It only just hit me recently, though. It's also damn frustrating how much I want to finish Harry Potter, but I'm just too... tired... to actually... read all the words...

Whatever. I'm going to go... post on my groups and figure out where the hell Hermione is going. Which I think I know anyway. Hm.

Soul: Drowsy

Sounds: The TV

2003-06-28T02:35:00.000-04:00

o_O;;

You call those bad? *THWACK* Well... if those are bad I'd be charmed if you made me one of your worst ;p You're so silly, sometimes.

Ho huuum... Lad-tidadee...da... Things are good. Lately I've been happy, gleeful, inspired and otherwise giggly. I think it might be summer vacation, because I'm surrounded by annoying people 24/7. Whatever. I'm happy and thaaat's all I care about. I have things to doodle! Squee!

*pets her blog* I've been neglecting it terrbily lately... I want a start on a new layout (Probably the one Forsaken gave me) but I have no clue where to start. Wee. I need to get more savvy on page design, it's killing me -_-

...Cancel. Yeah.

But anyway, I have a gruduation party to go to tonight... and... that's about it. Happy noon. I should call P-chan and harass her now.

Soul: ...Fumka n' Iaiel? Eh?

Sounds: Nickleback - Hero

2003-06-25T15:31:00.000-04:00

'Cause I've seen blue skies through the tears in my eyes...
...And I realize... I'm going home

(Shameless Rocky Horror Plug.)

Wow. Last preformance. Our four months are over. Everyone has to go back to their real lives now... I know I'll be there next year, but I'm sad. We're all sad. We dun wanna leave yet. Tomorrow is strike set, so it's the last time I'll see everyone. Specially with Allie graduating and Trisha going to college. Moue, sad. Sad, sad, sad.

I'm gonna go pout now.

Soul: Sigh.

Sounds: Nothing.

2003-06-21T18:25:00.000-04:00

Weeangst!

take the "How Angsty Are You Quiz" @ undead friday.

I have a Vassago to torture. Go me.

Soul: Creative

Sounds: Reel Big Fish - Take On Me

2003-06-18T13:52:00.000-04:00

Fuck you.

I am so incredibly moody today.

Jesus Christ.

Soul: PISSED, yet apathetic

Sounds: Nothing. My fucking Winamp won't work.

2003-06-13T21:39:00.000-04:00

Oh a di-va's work is ne-eee-ver done!

I have that song stuck in my head. Foobah.

Weeee! I'm happy. And that's good. I've been content for quite a while now, despite my random not happiness on Monday. So... It's good. I'm good. I'm content.

I shall stay this way, now that I think I'm getting over things and school's out.

Soul: Good, thanks.

Sounds: Maroon 5 - Harder To Breathe

2003-06-09T19:53:00.000-04:00

Oi to the world and everybody in it.

BAhumbug.

Well congradulation to me. This if first day in a very, very long time I felt like myself. When I was with all of my other friends, I was myself. I was calm, cool, a little apathetic, with art and a graphic novel in one hand and mug of coffee in my other. Welcome to Elyse-dom.

Which, so to speak, it's been a very, very long time since I haven't been in character. Whether I'm E-ko or not, I cannot God honestly say I've acted like myself for quite a while. Soo... badda bing, I'm human. Weehee. I'm not in character. I'm me. Myself. I.

You'd think would be fucking happier about it. Amanda understood, but I truly think she's the only one that did, or at least cared about it. Everyone else can go bite themselves. I mean... if I wanted people to be this way, I'd fucking date rocks.

So... Elyse came back. Shame, you all scared her away again.

Soul: Moody, apathetic

Sounds: Some show, my mother's cell phone.

2003-06-07T12:28:00.000-04:00

Pretty angels all in a row...

Lucifer: Angel of the starlight, you are often
confused with being evil in your quiet
contemplations... Underneath it all you are
actually the most beautiful angel of all, and
God likes u more... the others are just
jealous. What do they know anyways.

Which Angel Lays Within You?
brought to you by Quizilla

How cute.

I feel like torturing someone.

2003-06-04T19:42:00.000-04:00

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

God... I am so pathetic.

Soul: Frustrated

Sounds: Evanescence - So Close

2003-06-03T15:55:00.000-04:00

Happiness is fleeting.

I have this deep, looming anxiety somewhere. I'm not particularly sure what it's from, save naming a few things that made feel a little odd or pissy today, but I can't think of anything serious enough to make this edgy. Whatever. You know, it's uncanny. I really, really want to rip myself so badly right now it almost hurts not to do so... Like a bad addiction. Strange.

I suppose I won't, though. Eh. Whatever. I don't really have a reason not to anymore... Do I?

Whatever. I'm going to go drown myself in the shower now. Later days.

Soul: Dead.

Sounds: Nightwish - Moondace

2003-06-02T20:32:00.000-04:00

Back Again So Soon?

Hey! I just thought of some more nifty stuff.

So anyway, also during fourth period, Shannon and some people dragged me down to look at my defunct bellybutton ring, and Leanna told me had one that she'd sell to me for cheap. And it's a kind that I like! Weeeeee!

Ho hum... I also worked some more on my Raphael-Libael picture, which is looking vera' nice as of yet, which I'm actually proud of... And I bought a new inking pen! With a decent thickness at CVS! Now I can finished my Judon stiple, and, and, and.... Ink a bajillion other things and make them PRETTY because I'm having a good art week! YAYHAPPY!

YAY. And whatnot.

Soul: Even happier, come to think of it.

Sounds: Stella Soleil - Twilight

2003-06-02T20:25:00.000-04:00

Not Gonna Get Me.

To-day was good. I had a very, very decent Monday, a day in general, which I haven't been able to enjoy for quite a while. SO HAPPY. Weeeee!

The Good: First period we discussed the Pony Express, which surely if I were part of that time period I would have tried for. (Whether I be female or not. It's amazing what a hair cut and some tape can do.) So that subject just made me happy... Third period we did surrealism, thought moving in a bad way, I enoyed overall. Fourth period we did absolutely nothing since our concert, and we had many discussions (one involving my butt, which made me happy) and a bit of my lesbonic advice (which made me happy) and it was a generally good, perverse time overall. Afterwards, I had a JSA meeting, which was very good, and then a vocal lesson. (Which was very good... I have an audition this weekend! Wish me luck!) Afterwards we went to pizza hut, and though I don't particularly like Pizza Hut the conversation was nice. After that, we were on out way home and we stopped at the barn. This, of course, almost moved me to tears... I'd forgotten how much I missed the barn... And now I'm back. I'm am so back. They have this beautiful, beautiful Western show horse named Baeu who is just... GAH, BEAUTIFUL. And they already told me I could ride him. ROCK ON.

The Bad: Hey! Finals are next week, so I have cram all this crap. That's okay, though. We had a test to-day in math, which sucked. But nothing really, really bad happened.

The Ugly: I have an entire math notebook to copy now. I want to poke out my eye.

. I . AM . SO . SO . COMPLETELY . CONTENT .

Soul: Dancing with glee!

Sounds: OMC - How Bizarre

2003-05-31T20:27:00.000-04:00

Life in the fast lane; sure to make you lose your mind.

Ho hum... well, actually, nothing remotly interesting is up. I'm downloading some more brushes... and editing some piccies... But that's about it.

Working on a new layout for meeee! Weee!

Soul: Whateva'

Sounds: Nothing really

2003-05-28T21:03:00.000-04:00

Sigh.

Where have I truly gone? I don't feel like me again... I'm always someone else.

I don't think it's a bad thing... but mostly everyone else does... Whatever. It doesn't matter anymore, does it?

Soul: Vaguely nervous

Sounds: Nightwish - Angels Fall First

2003-05-21T18:58:00.000-04:00

Just another day?

Well, I can't say much has happened... Though I'm glad to spend the rest of the year in character during second period. Why? Because I can. Which reminds me I need a character sheet for Greg. All in good time. I also just found my chibi list... and now I have many, many more to add. Meep.

So anyway... To-day was very down-to-earth... It wasn't particularly bad, and it wasn't partcularly good, but it was just sort of... there. Which made it decent, and little more survive-ful than usual.

Kudos to the word I just made up.

Soul: Mellow, Down-to-Earth

Sounds: Ayumi Hamasaki - M

2003-05-18T16:51:00.000-04:00

Ugh.

I am so fucking bored right now I want to poke out my eyeballs and die.
So... I'm like bored to tears... times fifteen.
And my blog is being a stupid bitchwhore. Goddamnn image hosting.

Somone come put me out of my misery, please?

Soul: Extremely apathetic

Sounds: Whatever.

2003-05-15T18:08:00.000-04:00

Silence is Golden, after all.

Dear, I would love to use that in my next layout... Mwe! It's pretty. And sexy. And purr. Thank yoou so much ^^ Speeeaking of a new layout... Well, maybe next week or so, but I would, mer, probably need some help... *winkwink* Unless of course it'd be a problem.

Sha la la... What's there to say? Well not much, literally. To-day we did the Day of Silence, and beside cheating a little in 3rd period to ask Mulligan something, I kept my mouth shut. It was rather... well, fun. Moving. Not really liberating, but we can say so anyway. I've started to colour some things right now... Some of my fearies, Haydem, the random doodle of myself... I haven't finished any of them, but I probably will by tomorrow. I started doodling this random catboy in lunch, and he's cute. I might give him a name and personality because, well... He's adorable.

Eh, not much more to babble about. You know. Tomorrow's Friday... Yay.

Soul: A little sickly

Sounds: TV

2003-05-13T16:21:00.000-04:00

Mer.

Sorry, sweetheart, Haydem's being a fidgety bitch and I can't DRAW HIM RIGHT. *Is on her her, oh, third attempt or so*.

I... shall get this done! *positive thinking*

Soul: *Malvolio sigh*

Sounds: Jewel - Foolish Games

2003-05-10T18:00:00.000-04:00

More random stuff!

I took that quiz again, but I got Raresu once I actually thought about the questions and wasn't being a fruitcake.

And, well, yeah. Raresu.

How are we all to-day? I'm bored out of my mind. And my leg hurts... I drew Lex for my C-book, but I don't know who I want to do now... I might do Sydney, but there's still, like, twenty other characters to draw frrom. Damn. I'll figure it out.

Soul: Tired

Sounds: Nothing

2003-05-09T16:04:00.000-04:00

More random stuff!

You are Lucifer!
Congratulations! You're a sick bastard. You like
peeling people's skin off and using it as a
blanket in your bed. You think art should be
drawn in people's body and are a fan of
torture. Way to go!

Which SRFA character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Excuse me, but I own you all.

Yeah. That's right.

Soul: Cocky

Sounds: The Lord of the Rings - In Dreams

2003-05-09T06:45:00.000-04:00

Random stuufff!

I got these from Forsaken's, of course ^^

You are probably spanish!

how much spanish do you know?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well. Yes. Good job.
(I fixed her grammar. I couldn't help it. I'm ANAL.)

Neutral:
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.

What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

I-eeeeeeee remember this quiz...

And the link for the Fallen Angels one doesn't work.
(read:IT HAS TO WORK. MAKE IT WORK.)
Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Saddened. *pouts and pokes the link, hoping it will.)

Soul: Good. It's 6:30 in the goddamned morning, but I'm good.

Sounds: The news, my keyboard.

2003-05-04T20:10:00.000-04:00

All that's good is gone...

You know, it's been a very dececnt weekend. It's been a very nice weekend, actually, considering.

...It's a shame it's over now.

Soul: Light

Sounds: Matchbox 20 - Unwell

2003-04-30T20:46:00.000-04:00

My dear Kellie

Please get better, and remember I love you. Call me sometime. We can talk. I can relate. Hell, you can vent.

I just wanna hear from you... I miss you dearly. Really. If you never read this, it doen't matter. But keep in touch.

Soul: A little... off.

Sounds: Nothing.

2003-04-30T08:33:00.000-04:00

Still livin'...

Ho hum. I'm feeling half-way decent today. I actually sort of feel like LEx, and I don't know if that's a good ting or a bad thing.. but I'm happy. That's all that matters. *smiles like a fruitcake*

I'd also like to point out that my flavor or the week is half-way tied between Lex and Hatter. Why? I don't know. I need somone to fawn over and doodle in my notes.

Soul: Fine

Sounds: Rasputina - Tourniquette

2003-04-28T20:30:00.000-04:00

New CD time!

Yay! I made a new CD that consists of funky, kinky, and very very good songs. Verah' nice. It's thus been named Is There No One as Sweet as Me? (Yours Truly, A Transylvanian Concubine) : Fourteen Funky Songs I'd Fuck You To.

I like it. It's good. It's very good.

Today, I want to die. But I'm good.

Soul: Crazy, inspired... Hatter-like

Sounds: Rasputina - Call Me Alice

2003-04-27T22:12:00.000-04:00

Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

Isn't it funny how the people you'd never really expect to move you that much can say one thing that makes you cry so hard you can' breathe? It's amazing.

I'm so sorry, Jen. Everything will get better. I promise.

Look. I'm crying again.

Soul: Broken

Sounds: Nothing, really

2003-04-27T20:34:00.000-04:00

Well, fuck.

Well, to-day certainly is a bipolar one. I've been one and off from happy as can be, to hallow-eyed, to violently angry. I don't really know what's setting me off, either. I'm just dandy one moment, and the next I'm clawing at my arms, digging nail marks because I'm resisting screaming at the top of my lungs. I don't know what the fuck's going on. And it frightens me. It also angers me, because I don't know. When I'm confused, I'm angry.

So... Beside form that, I'm pretty good. P-chan did some life readings on me, (One of which I was horrid, horrid plantation owner that set the house maid on fire when I was eight. Teehee.) which was nice. I spent the entire weekend with her, which was nice. I had the best maguro rolls ever yesterday, which was nice. To-day I had a steak so rare I pondered if perhaps the cow was still alive, which was nice. All of which, was very nice. Actually, the steak got me a little morbid because I was playing with this little bloody spot and a vein (because there's always at least two veins if you dig deep enough in T-bone) which I found was very, very chewy and delightful. Ee! Veins. I want to write something sick now, which will probably involve Blair.

But... moving right along... Eh, I don't really have anything else to say. I'm okay right now. Just confused. N' stuff.

Soul: Alright

Sounds: Rasputina - Transylvanian Concubine (Remix)

2003-04-21T21:00:00.000-04:00

Boom.

I don't really have anything to write about. Well, I really do, but I'm too lazy to think about it and write it down. Nothing really exiciting anyway... It was one of those I woke up, I got dressed, and went to school... Blah, blah, blah days.

Chorus is really starting to suck. But that's okay. I can goof off and do nothing. I don't care if I'm surrounded by a bunch of fucking psychos in Aero. It's scary, but I can deal. Amanda wrote a poem that almost made me cry. BUT DIDN'T. Fwa. I still got it. I still wanna cry though, but for no... real reason. I don't know, it's weird. I can't really explain it. It's like... I really do have reasons (Like, a lot of reasons) but somehow I feel like none of them are really reason I want to cry. I skip from thought to thought and then end up weepy.

So all in all, I'm feeling really sort of emotionless. I feel like the sadness I have is sort of forced, but I don't want it to be. Hell, I don't want it there at all. I'm just sort of... passionless, I guess. I can't sing right, because I can't sell the lyrics enough, and I'm totally emotionally uninspired. Which is a bad thing, since emotionally is just about the only way I'm ever inspired in the first place. Eh, I'm just gonna go to bed and trust I'll wake up in a good mood.

Soul: Tired

Sounds: Six Feet Under

2003-04-17T19:44:00.000-04:00

FUCK

They don't fit together AND I DON'T CARE, GOD DAMN IT.

...So eat me.

2003-04-13T14:26:00.000-04:00

Fa la la la laaa! La la la LA!

Ho hum. My blog is royally pissing me off. But that's okay.

Helicopter Game! A GAME! This little bastard has kept me occupied for hours now. I don't really know why.. .It's nothing special. Just addictive as Hell. My highest score so far is 1110. See what you can do.

Doom de doom... I reall yhave nothnig to say. I went to a dance competition yesterday with Amanda. Great fun, great fun. Good times. There were quite a few dances and costumes that caught my attention, as well as moves, leaps, and songs. I have to draw Uriel, because he dances and I miss him teribly. I'm also going to doodle Gabriel, after hearing a song for the first time called Blow, Gabriel, Blow. That in itself deserves a picture. Yes, yes it does. HOO-HAW. Yeah. Whatever. I'm hyper.

HA! I also found this nifty thing that generates catch slogans for whatever you type in. And now, for E-ko:
You Deserve An E-Ko Today. (Everyone deserves an E-ko, man.)
What Would You Do For An E-Ko? (What would you do for me? Do I have to pay you?)
Make E-Ko Yours. (TAKE ME!)
E-Ko: The Other White Meat. (Meep.)
Little. Yellow. Different. E-Ko. (I put this one here because I had no effin' clue what the hell it meant.)
Beware of Expensive E-ko. (I may be costy, but I'll make you happy.)
Happyness is E-ko-shaped. (Yes. Yes it is.)
The E-Ko is Mightier than the Sword. (Fwaaa!)
I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole E-Ko. (Just... Whoa.)

I have too much fun. Really.

Soul: Great, thanks

Sounds: Whatever movie my mother is watching.

2003-04-09T22:43:00.000-04:00

Cha!

I’m the laidback sexual guy with a fetish for randomly groping the bishounen in the series. When I'm not acting as the comedic relief and reducing a tense situation with laughter, I'm often caught sleeping around the drugstore, still adorned in my sunglasses.

Find out with GD bishie you are | by Aelice

Thank you. Thank you very much.

2003-04-09T18:09:00.000-04:00

What?

Oh, look. I seemed to be crying.

...Damn.

Soul: Nothing

Sounds: Evanescence - My Immortal

2003-04-06T21:55:00.000-04:00

Working, working...

Alright boys and girls, I'm working on it. I know my images aren't there, but that's just because I need somewhere to host them and I'm also fixing them up so they fit together nicecly and... whatnot. Bear with me, here. I'm still putting it together and I can't stay up any later or I'll be dead tomorrow.

Goodnight kiddies, and hope you like my new design once... I get it... working...

Soul: Blah

Sounds: Nothing

2003-04-04T08:40:00.000-05:00

What kind of soul do you have?

I am absolutely brooding!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

Is it placid darkness or just a quiet calm style that sets you apart?

Virtues: Appreciation for deep thought is important, and no, I don't mean "Deep Thoughts" by good ole Jack Handey, though that must be widely loved. Humor-- light and dark-- is a staple, and absolutely necessary is your art. Literature, music; it's all important to your self expression.

Aspirations: There's a wide range of possibilities for any thoughtful person. Especially common would be artistry; writer, painter, composer; even the comedy field could use some help. If you're interested in politics, maybe a professional cynic would suit. ;) I'm sure you'd like to express your views openly (not limited to politics, but thinking in general) as your views of the human race are vast and intricate. Socrates would be proud.

Quirks: The peppy and preppy, the superficial and the artificial.

Factors: What you need is your downtime; peace and quiet. Relaxing with a good book, listening to some music. Thinking is a big factor, be it sophistic or plainly dark.

Future: As you continue to develop your views, self expression is inevitable. An outlet career aligning with your views would be ideal, and you may even enjoy a family to settle down with. Until then, I'm sure you'll develop your studies and talents to their fullest.

I felt this had me covered pretty good, and I liked taknig it, too. I'm going to add a bunch more quizzes to my links over there, since I haven't in.. well, forever. I'm also going to change my layout once I figure out just how to work everything in Photoshop and fix up something pretty. Not a complete layout change, just mostly colours and stuff because I'm really sick of Butterfly Kisses.

So... doom de doom... I'm home sick to-day. I'm not really sick, but I'm ovulating and my lower half to my knees are in excruciating pain so... since I was pale as death last night and vomiting in the bathroom, mommy let me stay home. So not much is new, except I acutally wanted to go to school to-day (ARGH!) and all I really have to say is: "OW! MUTHERFUCKERS!"

Soul: In pain, but good

Sounds: NIN - The Perfect Drug

2003-04-02T20:14:00.000-05:00

BLAH.

I'm FINE. I'm fucking FINE.

Stop worrying.

Soul: Moody

Sounds: Crazytown - Black Cloud

2003-04-01T19:56:00.000-05:00

Otra vez? Y... Con pasion?

...But why? Why can't I just appreciate the darker things in life without being classified as some sick, sorry, angsty, stupid gothic teenage girl who just wants attention. Fine, maybe I'm sick sometimes, and sometimes I'm angsty, but I'm sorry about life, I'm not gothic, and I'm not stupid... The last thing I want is attention. If attention is bad, it's thus unwanted.

I'll hack up my forearm as much as I goddamned want to, and whether or not I mentioned it to somone and you overheard or you accidently noticed it doesn't mean I was shoving it on you and craving for your attention. I'll stick safety pins through my goddamned fingers for my sheer enjoyment and boredom, not just to freak you out. I'd appreciate bitches not staring at me like some goddamned zoo animal because I'm bored out of my fucking mind.

Bitches... Why does everyone want to be so perfect? Why can't I just act like myself without being out of the box. I'll be a sadist if I want, and I'll have a damn good time without any of you useless bints... So shove your normalcy. I have enough of my own.

Onto my other rant of the day, which has nothing to do with the other one, (and I suppose is quite the opposite) I'd like to point out I dispise being the epitimy of a thousand love songs begging for their lovers to come back. I hate this. I really, really fucking hate this. I hate being so completely, utterly, horribly in love with someone (more than one someone) that many of my waking hours I want to gauge out my eyes beacuse there's nothing I can do about it...Right now I think of it and I want to just hug myself and cry, any not because I'm miserable. I can't do anything, and that frustrates me.

I don't know what to do. I want to rip out my own throat, but I can't really acheive that and live too great, now can I?

Soul: Fucked

Sounds: Nothing

2003-03-31T20:29:00.000-05:00

Hey, guess what, boys and girls?!

I hate myself and I want to die!

*Draws rainbows and happy faces and lovey hearts all over the place*

Soul: What the fuck do you think?

Sounds: Stephen Lynch - Bitch

2003-03-26T19:19:00.000-05:00

Just another day. Whoopie-twang.

Just another day gone by with nothing really new happening. Mrs. Mann approached me and asked me if I signed up for Varsity next year, which means she obviously likes my voicec and was hoping that I did... Which I did, by the way, and I'm happy. I feel like I'm getting somewhere now... I can do something, I can be someone. I can be on a stage and be myself... And that's all where I want to be.

I'm feeling younger, and I like... I feel good, like I did two years ago, before anything bad ever happened to me. I feel cheerful for the most part, I love storms again... They seem to move me, and nothing could have made me happier the other night than eating a peice of steak and relaxing. Meditation is good again, as is the smell of spring. To say the least, I suppose I feel alive again... Which is what I think I really needed. To be brought back to life again.

Though I feel happy about things from years ago, I still feel wiser. If not wiser, just not naive. Not like the twit I was... I have common sense now, along with a factbook of knowledge I've always had... I can cope and deal with people now, and ignore their brutal opinions if I want to...

I'm still on a man-hating spree... It doesn't matter anyway. I'm not trying to impress anyone. I hate men, big fucking deal. I'm a Nazi Dyke, big fucking deal. I hate half of the human race, big FUCKING deal. So I'm just a bit really judgemental. It's my life, my choice. Go consult a knife about it, why don'tcha? People need to leave me the fuck alone. I'll be a biased bitch if I want to be, thank you very much.

Just because I have no tolerance for dealing with people doesn't mean I'm cruel. I'm just biased and a bit bitter. Not to say I hate everyone... I have quite a few male friends whom I appreciate very much so, because they've been good to me and treated me as friends. Other people, however, have not, and quite frankly I don't feel like I need to deal with that in life if I so choose not to.

So beside the anger much, I'm pretty good. I'm not broken, and I'm fine... It's good... and I like it. I'm happy to be alive.

Soul: Torn

Sounds: The TV, ,mom eating crackers... Nothing important...

2003-03-20T21:27:00.000-05:00

Ho hum.

I don't really have anything to say... It's raining really hard outside. We got a new keyboard, and I don't like it much. It's increased my typos by three.

Ick.

Soul: Whatever

Sounds: The rain pouring outside...

2003-03-17T19:32:00.000-05:00

Wake Me Up Inside

To-day is not a very good day. Everyone is miserable, and I seemed not to be spared from the trend.

I don't really have anything to say... So, uh... yeah. A song:

I know the truth now,
I know how you are,
And I don’t love you anymore...

Never was and never will be,
You don't know how you've betrayed me,
Somehow you've got everybody fooled.
Never was and never will be,
You're not real and you can't save me,
Somehow now you're everybody's fool...

Soul: Whatever...

Sounds: Evanescence - My Immortal.

This song makes me weepy.

2003-03-09T20:23:00.000-05:00

Take your last bow...

but take it with me.
Always remember it,
(Because I always will.)
and try to smile.

That's it. Over.

The play's over. You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. My first real musical of my high school years has come and gone, and God, was it good. Our last preformance was to-day... But I know I'll be there next year. And the year after, and perhaps the year after. I've also decided I don't want to be backstage... I want to be on that stage, singing and... being emotional. For Sarah, and for Nicole.

I'm inspired, I'm suppose. I want to shine when they come back to see me.

I love you guys so much... You'll probably never read this, but thanks.

Thanks for being here my first year... I loved every moment of it.

Soul: Weepy, but good

Sounds: Linda Eder - Until I Don't Love You Anymore

2003-02-28T23:17:00.000-05:00

Ladies come, ladies go...

I just realized how incoherant that post was.

SO! Previous post, summarized:

I WANT A WOMAN.

Soul: Uh... Fine?

Sounds: Crazytown - Revolving Door

2003-02-28T21:54:00.000-05:00

I'll make your legs shake, I'll make you go crazy...

Hmm... What is there is to say?

To-day I hate men. I don't really feel I need to justify it. I hate men, god damn it... And that's that.

I want to kill him for making her unhappy. Decide which one I'm talking about amongst yourselves, boys and girls.

So... Aside for multiple boyfriend problems, I've been feeling horrendeously seductive as of lately, and thus feeling very, very gay. I'm just all like, "Ugh. Women. Two women. FIVE women. UGH. *cavement grunt*" It's crazy, really. Pimpin' crazy, yo... and funky and Hell... Like, dancing in the middle of gym funky. (Seriously dancing, and funky dancing.)

Hormones are funny. I'm so damn funny. I'm so damn horny.

Come, my lady, come-come, my lady, you're my butterfly, sugar baby...
Come, my lady, come-come, my lady, I'll make your legs shake; I'll make you go crazy...

I'm feeling rather... Raphael-like now.

...I think I need to sleep. I have to wake up early tomorrow.

Soul: Tired, horny, pissed at the male race

Sounds: Crazytown - Butterfly

2003-02-21T22:30:00.000-05:00

Where do I go from here?

So I had a nice long talk with Steve... He really helped me. A lot. I'm so thankful for my friends like him who help with all this crap. He helped me figure out where in Hell I am at the moment, and how to handle getting out of it. I'm sure it might be easier said than done, but I think now I can handle things. I know what I want to do.

So the truth is I can't handle anything else. At the moment, my plate's pretty full, and I really don't have room for anything else. Last time I took too much to begin with, and it's going to be a damn mess to get rid of what I have now... But I still have to. That's life. I shouldn't have ever gone out with Patricia; it didn't give me time to ever get over Gourry and Raphael. So I'm going to take time to do that this time, and then her. This has all been something to knock me off my horse I wasn't on in the first place. I just need to get back up and nurse my wounds before I take on anything else.

Or I might just die... And I'm not ready for that. I'm still fighting.

Soul: Good. Really good.

Sounds: NIN - Closer

2003-02-14T18:34:00.000-05:00

I'm open... To falling from grace...

Just another day. Another Friday. Another Valentine's Day. Yes, well, I'm yet another person that's going to bitch, whine, and moan about how much Valentine's Day sucks. Sucks, sucks, sucks.

...Lewis gave me a pwetty flower though. Moue.

But still! HATE! God, I'm so god damned confused. I'm also having a fuming moment where I want to kill people because I'm envious as Hell, replaced, alone, and damn pissy about it. Things don't go as planned, and this is RIGHT.

I feel so betrayed. But not by the person who feels bad.

Sounds: The news, I have The Lord of the Rings theme stuck in my head

Sounds: Furious

2003-02-11T17:07:00.000-05:00

Baka... If you have nothing to live for, live for me...

So one thing happens. An older issue comes back up, worries me, kills me inside again and leaves me emotionally, mentally, and psychically spent for the day. Surely, it triggers something else, and an old issue resurfaces, as does another. I'm hating loving people as I always hate hating people but I just can't help either... I mean, I love her, and I don't want her to worry, and I want to kill him, eat his eyeballs, not have her know whats going on, have them all not worry about her, make her not worry about me, have her let I know I love her, and that I love her too, and that he to know I'm not really ready for him. And still... and still kill the other him out of murderous, envious rage, that bastard.

There. All the problems I have with my friends.

The end. Bang.

Soul: Exhausted, spent

Sounds: Eminem - Lose Yourself

2003-02-09T16:20:00.000-05:00

Just another day in paradise...

So I'm sitting here on my ass doing nothing. I'm wandering around Rum and Monkey a bit, still doing nothing. Being a moron. I have a new sweater on, it's red and black... I have a cup of cocoa in my hand, and my hair is nice and clean...

These are days I'm damn happy to be alive.

Soul: Simply content

Sounds: A movie or something

2003-02-06T16:05:00.000-05:00

You don't seem to know, seem to care, what your heart is for

I was reading my journal, and I've came to a starting realization. I'm exactly what I don't want to be. I never wanted to be the type of person who wrote about how much life sucked, and how horrible things were, and then have the next post be completely gleeful. I never realized that's how emotion works, that's what happens, and no one's ever always happy or always miserable.

So my verdict: Elyse Rivera is a normal human being.

...This is comforting. I always thought like that through seventh and eighth grade, when... Sure, I was intelligent. I was mature. But I didn't have any grasp on real emotion... It's sort of like I was a dead adult, really. Now I feel like I know what's going on, and I'm not just a little girl anymore. I don't have such the exterier shell as I did, and I'm sort of realizing, I guess, who I am. I don't really like it all the time, and a few other people don't either, but... That's okay. Gotta take what you got.

I'm suddenly feeling better again.

Soul: Just fine, thanks. And you?

Sounds: Misia - Sunny Day

2003-02-05T21:35:00.000-05:00

So what's there been to say?

What's so new to-day? Not much, really. I don't want to die, and I'm not really miserable. I'm living normally, but... what? Three days later? How tortured can that be? I'm perfectly fine... without pills, without anything. All I needed was to talk... and I did, and I'm good. I'm great for now and, god damn, it's grand.

So I have things off my back... Sure, I have a vengeful moment, a sad moment, a sort of, well, disappointed moment... But compared to the hours where I'm dandy, it's nothing. I'm not constantly fucked up and grieving... Hell, I'm not even fucked up.

Maybe I should talking to people who even I know aren't real, though.

...*giggles*

Soul: Doin' just fine

Sounds: The news

2003-02-02T21:21:00.000-05:00

"But I'd have to practice... so I wouldn't cry as I told them, "And that little girl was me..."

And then I'd have to tell them about how the angels went away, and the little girl was sad for a little while... but then it got better. Everything got better... You see, they took me to a cold, white place that I didn't like very much. The people, they were friendly, but sometimes it wasn't nice. I was happy because they gave me pills to make me happy like a normal teenager. And sometimes they give you shots so you wouldn't scream in the night and be quiet like a normal teenager... Sometimes though, they'd make me talk to this person a lot like you and I'd curl my hair and tell the same story about my angel friends... But everytime I'd cry. I didn't want to, but everytime I did. I told him I would kill myself, that I wanted to die. I sighed, because I know I can't...

Oh, but I can. I could right now, too. Now that I think of it... I could carve something very pretty into my arm, some sort of pretty word. I would always remember to go up with the vien instead of across it... If I didn't, I'd just bleed and then they'd find me and sew me up just fine... But no, no... This time I would go up as I carved something pretty (I'm not sure what, exactly.) and then I'd bleed and bleed and bleed until everything was gone. When my mommy went to wake me up in the morning, she'd find me dead under my blankets, cold. But oh, oh my face would be pretty. My make-up would have ran just the right way as I had cried, and my skin... Oh! My skin, it'd be beautiful. It's be... blue, sort of. No, ivory. The most lovely shade of ivory you ever did see. So I'd be beautiful and dead, saved forever with the loveliest shade of ivory you ever did see.

See, I'd be pretty and everyone would be happy... I'd be happy. If I was happy, everyone else would be, too. Then I would take a bow and go home because everyone was happy and everything was finally over."

And then, the end.

Soul: Cheerful

Sounds: Nothing

2003-02-02T20:30:00.000-05:00

Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

I smell your blood, my love, but I can't taste it yet.
I have your mind, my love, but I can't waste it yet...
Please understand, my love, I find this sickening.
My head is ice, my love, my skin is thickening.

I feel it again. Hopeless. Empty. Dead... There's no spark for hope, love, or warmth. Only lust. Lust and emptiness. I feel like I have something I can't fulfill, something I can't replace. A cold, negative void of happiness has washed over me again and I feel like death is upon my soul and glee again.

I want to go back. I want to be happy.

Somehow, I feel like it's not possible. It'll never come back... Or maybe it will. One day I might have a young love, a creature... something for me to hold onto. Something to for me to love and take care of and be my reason for living... But it seems so far away. So useless and futile... worthless of waiting.

I'm gonna turn on you before you turn on me
I'm gonna turn on you; can you conjure me?
And walk the mile into this web of my conspiracy
I'm gonna turn on you before you turn on me...
I'm in a hole, but I don't feel the safety net
I have your soul, but I am wasting it
But oh! My love, we could still be friends
And oh! my love, with me you must contend...

Maybe I shall go tonight. Maybe I won't be here tomorrow. Maybe, for now, I'll just be someone else and not have to cry to my wall for comfort... Maybe someone will take me away...

Soul: Desperate

Sounds: Jewel - Foolish Games

2003-01-31T22:25:00.000-05:00

I've lied to you... The same way that I always do...

Happy Friday everyone. Thank God this week is over.

Soul: Exhausted, burnt

Sounds: Linkin Park - Pushing Me Away

2003-01-27T16:42:00.000-05:00

You are blue. You are somewhat innocent, in the fact that your genius only extends to the physical world. You have a false sense of contentness. You are usually the quiet one, the genius. Everyone can count on you to help when they have problems, but you only fall short of being able to solve your own.

What inner color are you?

Quiz by Shirono

Mya?

2003-01-27T15:34:00.000-05:00

So anyway....

I'm sorry about that. I had an angry moment. Forgive me.

Anyway, on the flipside of things... Amanda-san seemed perfectly fine to-day. I don't think she's popped any pills, but I think she's actually just... happier. Like, normal, I guess. I'm glad for her... and it makes me just want to cry in joy that she's content and that I've helped her get there.

Look, I'm getting all sniffly right now.

On the other hand, I think I'm doing all right. I think I'd be doing better if so many people would stop trying to convince me I need help... Steve's worried now, too. I just need people to tell me i'm perfectly fucking fine and I WILL be. I'm okay... just no one believes me.

...I want people to believe me. I want people to think I'm happy. I hate this so, so much.

Soul: A bit helpless, I guess.

Sounds: Ditto on the TV

2003-01-27T15:29:00.000-05:00

Do you all want happy?

Then fine. You'll all get happy. I can't say it won't come out of a bottle, though.

I'm such a fucking hyprocrite.

Soul: I'm not exactly sure.

Sounds: The television.

2003-01-26T20:44:00.000-05:00

Every cloud has a silver lining.

So I feel as if a vague chance of hope has been handed to me on a silver platter. Though, a drawback, it might just be damaging and surely temporary. Minutely. And then it would fleet away and give me an emptiness again. I'd sigh, surely, and smile... and appreciate what I got. Though then it would be gone, I'd be content for a bit.

And then perhaps I'd rest my hand upon my head, sigh, and take a nap whilst remembering what I had.

Soul: Wistful

Sounds: Nothing.

2003-01-25T10:50:00.000-05:00

Just a though?

Hey sweeteh', I understand the feeling >< Those stupid personality disorder sites have been trying to tell me I'm Borderline for months now... I think you're better off ignoring them, because I think the thought of just not being mentally okay sent me sliding a bit even farther down into, well, alone-ness. Makes it harder to find things that are happy in life. Stupid websites. Grr.

Which, actually everyone, is a very negative, negative thing. I've always thought that being alone was a good thing... but since I've noticed it's really not. It's good when I want it, but then it hurts when I don't... Which makes perfect sence since the world doesn't revolve around me and I can't just say "Hey, you, go away I feel like being alone for the next three weeks. Don't call me, piss off, I hope you die." and then later say "Okay, I'd like to have people around again." Shame it doesn't work like that. Alas. human emotion. What can you do? It's because of those sort of things my best friend thinks I'm clinicly insane.

Damn... That really hurt.... What the fuck am I talking about? I don't really remember what I was ranting about... I'm just absent mindedly typing and.. I'll read over this again go "What the fuck?"

Whatever. I still miss Gourry. And I still want someone to talk to.

Soul: Tired, alright. I have Am-man-daaa over! Wee!

Sounds: Nothing, just my typing... Where did the TV go off to?

2003-01-22T19:13:00.000-05:00

Not bad... not bad at all...

So said Snoopy. I think I'm going to start making my subject lines a lot more pointless and more often than not inside jokes with myself... Because I sort of like when they're completely irrelevent to my posts. Well... I think I'm feeling a little better, but still sorta stupid... I think I made a really stupid mistake. Yeah... Now I have to figure out how to fix it...

So I think I might get happier, because Amanda seems happier and... I guess if she's happy it'll take my mind off of things. I think I'll be myself again soon. I hope, for a lot of people's sake, I guess.

Everything will be okay, soon... Soon.

Soul: Hopeful, worried

Sounds: You're a Good Man Charlie Brown Soundtrack - Beethoven Day

2003-01-21T19:36:00.000-05:00

Why you be makin' out wit mah' cousin?

Blah... I popped some anti-depressant's to-day. I think they worked quite nicely, considering. Might have worn off a bit again, because I'm back to feeling hopeless and that I want to die. Don't know what to do... I don't have that many pills. It won't last forever... I'm lost, and I don't know what to do... Moue. I wish I had someone here to help me that understood, that could tell me exactly what was wrong and just hold me till it's better.

...I miss Oboe.

Soul: Lost, cold

Sounds: Silence.

2003-01-19T19:42:00.000-05:00

All that's good is gone, it's gone... I have tried too long...

So I'm still a bit frustrating in life, worried, and pondering death. I don't think I'm going to give up any time soon, because I'm not interesting in dieing... Just getting away from it all by hugging my knife to my arm and swallowing a few pills here and there. Perhaps it's giving up, sort of, but I don't believe it is. I know I'm going to give up on some relationships with people soon, since I can't really handle being close like this to anyone anymore... I'm past the point of argueing it with people who say I'm taking the easy way out because I'm putting my life on hold to get high and pushing the pain away... because I am. I'm taking the easy way out, and I don't think it's wrong.

I'm going to live how I want to... as long as I'm living, I don't want to hear anyone complain.

Soul: Thoughtful, lonely

Sounds: Rasptina - Quitter's Song

2003-01-10T16:40:00.000-05:00

This. Is not. A good. Day.

So I'm worried even more about Amanda, even though we finally talked to councelor together. She's in the hospital, which I'm praying to God that that's not what I think it really means. I've cried so many times to-day it's starting to make me sick, and I still feel like I have a lot more crying to do. Life lessons suck.

God, I'm worried as hell about her... I mean, she's my best fucking friend in the world. I know I wouldn't go down with her if she killed herself, but I'd at least cry her a river and hope she came back... See? Look at that, I'm starting to cry again already. I'm unstable to-day, that's what it is. I'm an unstable nutjob and worried to death about her because I love her so much and don't want her to go.

And her father sounded so sincere on the phone...

Soul: A mental wreck

Sounds: Dead silence, except for typing here and there.

2003-01-07T20:12:00.000-05:00

Why? Why, why, WHY?!

Now I'm worried. And I'm getting nosebleeds again.

Why? Why again? And I feel all tight in my throat again... Fuck.

Soul: Somewhat hopeless again.

Sounds: Kylie Minogue - Your Love

2003-01-06T21:06:00.000-05:00

Fuck my gently with a chainsaw.

I hurt. I hurt a lot. Not physically, though... My chest and throat are a bit tight with that unavoidable pre-sobbing fit feeling, but aside from that the rest of my body is pretty numb. The only drawback is, of course, my chest hurts, and how my fingers are crawling lazily over the keys instead of darting around making that takka-takka noise I adore so much. My head is aching with the emptyness it has. I can't quite explain it right... There's so much going on in my mind that it all basically smashes together and crashes into nothing, leaving my mind blank again, but yet still full of pollution, like a crashing plane to the ocean. The fire and destruction is gone, but now the plane's remnants with decay in the ocean and pollute it fatally to certain little sea creatures and life... I guess those little sea creatures are my emotions and brain waves.

I don't want to be sad anymore.

Soul: Nonexistant

Sounds: Life going by

2003-01-05T19:10:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile, eh?

Blah. I guess I've just been lazy, too. Or maybe I just have nothing worth talking about. Well... nah, sure I so. Musical tryouts, CDs, girls, my life, and shit like that. But what fun would that be? Eehh... I need a new layout. I'm getting extremely bored with this one.

...You know what I need? Someone to torture. I think I sorta need someone else to feel some pain. It'll get my mind off things.... Maybe I need to wander around in character more often, because then I won't have my own problems o.O;; Eh? Makes sense to moi.

Maybe I'll just convenietly wake up in character tomorrow. Or just sort of convenietly do so now.

Bleh.

Soul: Tired of everything.

Sounds: Stella Soleil - You

2002-12-29T18:01:00.000-05:00

A conversation for you all.

"What's the date, mummy?"

"The twenty-ninth."

"The tweny-ninth?"

"Mmhmm... Why?"

"Oh. Nothing." *glances off* "...Old friend's birthday."

"Oh? Who?"

"Oboe. You never met him. I think you've heard of him."

"Oboe? Oh, yes, I've heard of Oboe."

"But never met him." *glances off again*

"Oh, well then you can give him a call when we get home."

"Oh. Yeah. Sure." *stares off for a moment* *mumble*

"What was that?"

"Oh... I was just wondering if his birthday was the thirty-first instead... He has a brother, Julien, and I always seem to mix up their birthdays..."

"Well, give him a call anyway."

"Oh... Yeah, sure."

...Sure.
End of conversation.
God damn, I'm really fucking tired.

Soul: Worried

Sounds: Stauss - Something classical...

2002-12-26T22:23:00.000-05:00

My nose is bleeding.

Bad.

Soul: Vaguely scared

Sounds: Quindon Tarver - When Doves Cry

2002-12-26T21:05:00.000-05:00

Take it tothe street, bi-yotch...

I really have nothing to write about. Not even Christmas. As compared to all my recent holidays, this one was quite delightful ^^ I'm so spoiled... XD Lots of lovely books and things to keep me warm. *huggles sweater* Sooo... Happy, happy. Tired. Mer. I guess I'm feeling better than I've been since I've gotten a lot off my mind.

Quote: This is Fumka being festive. *dance*

Soul: Tired and hyper at the same time.

Sounds: The Cardigans - Lovefool

2002-12-23T20:14:00.000-05:00

How seme am I-eee?

How seme are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*giggle* Cha-cha-cha!

2002-12-22T21:06:00.000-05:00

*sits and plays with Chinese stress balls pensively*

*scratches at scabs on left arm hatefully*

Soul: Empty

Sounds: KylieMinogue - Love Affair

Favorite song of the moment.

2002-12-22T17:45:00.000-05:00

Nyao?

I have pants! Pants! PAAANTS! Bondage pants! Wo0t! And Miyuki-chaaan! And, and... Chobits. XD Neee! I luurrrve yooou! Kisses!

In other news, I'm still thinking of someone to kill. Perhaps someone meaningful and innocent who really doesn't deserve it. I'm thinking Uriel, (But that's too dramatic) Sydney (But she's not so attached yet), or Tori, since she always ends up dieing where ever i put her. (But she's not too attached yet anyway.) I would off Raphael, but I really need someone around for when I'm feeling dominent like that. Who else? Eh... Alex, but he's not mine, or Kunie, who's already died before and isn't attached either... Caila? New, and not angelic enough. It's a hard question, and I want to go with Uriel.

...But that's just too cruel.

Soul: Deabteful

Sounds: Kylie Minogue - Dancefloor (Actually, it's just stuck in my head.)

2002-12-21T20:25:00.000-05:00

Alright.

I think I've had enough. And I FUCKING HATE angels. Now I'm going to go murder some of my winged chracters because I'm too lazy to get off my ass and murder real people. Fuck. I think I should explain myself. But I won't, because as I said, I'm lazy. It's just... I'm just fucked up anymore. I don't get angsty, and I'm lovin' it. I don't get upset and sob over people anymore. Drawback? I get violent instead. And I'm feeling violently angry right now... Thus... kill.

Hate, hate, hate.

Soul: Mentally tormented

Sounds: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Minor Thing

2002-12-21T20:17:00.000-05:00

No Use For a Name.

*nodnod* It's aggravating when my friends yell at me, though. Not like getting scolded makes anything better -_-;;;

In other news: ...Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. FUCK.

....Damn it.

Soul: Meaninglessly angry.

Soulds: Red Hot Chili Peppers - On Mercury

2002-12-17T19:33:00.000-05:00

Yawn.

Amazing how last year I read the book "Cut" and was slighty disgusted and slightly disturbed at people cutting themselves. Well, I was naive. Always was. Silly of me to be so out there to not understand how often people do it to themselves, including a good number of myself. I'm not hypocrite, so I'll openly state I've done it too. Whatever. It gets some steam off.

Sure, it's nothing lethal or anything... Just enough to feel the pain a little, feel the feeling. It's not suicidal at all, but quite the opposite. It's just a check here and there to make sure I can still feel pain, and that I'm still alive. Sort of... keeps one on the edge, the feeling if it were just a little deeper... a little deeper and fountains would flow.

Whatever... that's not what I'm after. I went shopping to-day with mom. Dad bought a Bangles CD, and doesn't like it so I get it instead. Woop, woop. Walk like an Egyption... Joy ^^ I got a coat too, it's fuzzy and very.... bling-bling. Bling-blingin', yo.

Just what I love. Pimpin'.

Soul: Negatively artistic

Sounds: The Bangles - Walk Like an Egyption

2002-12-14T15:29:00.000-05:00

Random scribbling for my arm...

I need someone to talk to. I think I'm going to make a new imaginary friend to listen to me, since I don't have anyone else at the moment.

...I'm not going to Amanda's, by the way. Nothing to fucking worry about, eh? EH?

Soul: Vaguely angry

Sounds: Nothing.... nothing.

2002-12-14T10:09:00.000-05:00

My lord,

I'm a fucking mess this morning. I just woke feeling like I was out drinking last night (Which, mind you, I wasn't. I'm underage.) and stoned off my ass at the same time. My head aches, my arms ache, and my legs ache, too. I'm wearing jeans without underwear (I don't have any that's clean.) and a long sleeved shirt in vague hope of covering myself. I feel like I'm going to screw up something to-day, with is a quite horrible fortruthing feeling.

I'm going to go to Amanda's later. Yeah. I'll be better then, I know it.

Soul: Nonexistant

Sounds: Tracy Byrd - Just Let Me Be in Love

2002-12-13T20:39:00.000-05:00

Funny...?

How a song can affect someone. I loved Valse triste by the way, it was a very lovely song.

So... there's this song. It's nicknamed the Suicide Song because they put it on the radio and a bunch of people killed themselves over it because it was so hardbreaking - thus discontinuing any playing of it. Naturally, I downloaded it. I really wanted the Billie Holiday version, but that's still downloading at the moment. I got Sarah Brightman and McLachlan. Got most of the way through Brightman's, but Mclachlan's voice just tears me apart completely. It reminded me of my friend. Just what I needed at the moment.

Whatever... cause and effect. It's my fault, anyway.

Soul: Not. Good.

Sounds: Sarah McLachlan - Gloomy Sunday

2002-12-13T17:12:00.000-05:00

Boink?

There will be hell to pay if Sirius isn't pretty. Because he's my favey-wavey ((Worship Idol.)) as well. Purr. Just... purr.

I really don't have much to write about to-day. I'm dressed like Cassiel for no aparent reason besides the fact I'm cute, I'm tired, and I've been feeling rather stoned in a negative way the entire day. I feel all... heavy and tired. It really sucks. Tomorrow will be better. Yes.

Soul: Detatched

Sounds: Sneaker Pimps - Post-Modern Sleaze

2002-12-12T20:41:00.000-05:00

Some lovely writing for you all!

Lost, and to a sea of nothing. A sea of heroin, papers, and pizza. The syringes at my feet drag me down like shackles at my ankles. They seduce me like they always do into their world of bright colors and an orgasmicly fine void. My blood bubbles at a point at the end of the needle, delightfully cold until it finds my body heat. It melds my empty void into it’s own delightful one, one I can nourish and appreciate, adore… like love, like burning. I close my eyes finally… and slip into fantastic nothingness.

Afterwards, I fall again back to nothing, but a negative void. A plethora of viscera, blood, endocardium, and papers. Bad poetry and spider webs, broken glass and rusty nails are what I’m left of. My opiate friend has left me, like all friends eventually do… and I’m nothing until I pay for her again. Crisp hundred dolor bills, and my friend always comes back.

But I don’t wait. I don’t want to wait. Because I mean nothing. You mean nothing, and this means nothing.

Bang.

Le sigh. Fin, fin. I don't do heroin by the way, just to let you know. I don't really do anything anymore. No point in thinking about it. I just got the greatest fortune cookie - "The secret of staying young is good health, and lying about your age."

I laughed. For a while.

Soul: Uninterested, vague

Sounds: Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Requiem (5th)

2002-12-10T20:44:00.000-05:00

Wizard.

Goddamn I don't want to go back to school yet. I'm
terribly . sorry . to . all . of . the . groups . I've . been . neglecting lately... What with drama and all, and then the holiday's coming up. I really have to catchup with school, so I'm sure I'll be off-key for bit with my writings. Tsk, tsk.

As you can see below, I saw Harry Potter: The Chamver of Secrets to-day, and skipped school, and went shopping. Loverly day, yes. I have a book to read at the moment, (I also bought two other books: Paradise Kiss and Tuck Everlasting.) since I got new books, but I have to finish The Portrait of Dorian Gray first. Doom de doom doom... Not much to say sooo... Ta da!

Soul: Loverly.

Sounds: Paula Cole - Where Have All the Cowboys Gone

2002-12-10T19:40:00.000-05:00

Review : Harry Potter - The Chamber of Secrets

Well, well, well, well, WELL. I don't even think the first movie compares to this one. Sitting there for so long was well worth it, seeing as I enjoyed it quite a bit. Lucious had me giggling like a fruity fangirl on the edge of my seat every time he turned around, Hermione is the cutest damn little girl in the world, and I just love Hagrid so. As for appearance - In my opinion, Lockheart should have had longer, culier hair like he's pictured in the book... 'cause I'd be a damn egotistical bastard if my hair was that pretty, too. Myrtle, I think should have had a more whiney appearance to her, maybe a tad overweight instead of stickgirl would have done her more justice. The pigtails and glasses were very good. I hate Draco. Hate, hate, HATE the way he looks. But he's a stupid character and I don't care much about him anyway... so whatever. I also really disliked the Basilisk... That could have been a lot better. The creature originally I think should have been a lot more, well, serpantine. It should have had a snake-like head, at least, instead of looking like a wannabe Jurassic Park creature... and maybe a little drier. It gave off the slimey effect, like it was an amphibean rather than a reptile. I really wasn't fond of the Basilisk, and the mandrakes and Dobby were just plain creepy to look at.

Onto storyline... This wasn't my favorite book to start with, seeing as I much more prefer the third book. Now... this definitely was not a children's movie. The end was very strong, and a tad, well, graphic. The spiders were horrendeous, and the was a pretty good amount of blood. It was pretty morbid, and I would have been terrified if was under the age of... nine or so. The effects were excellent, and I think the Quidditch match was much better made out than in the first one.

Timing? A little off. It could have used another half and hour or so in order to get some more of the important detail. The fact Ginny and Myrtle both had crushes on Harry were completely left out, along with some other things. I noticed a few things seemed to added in, like the extra length of the Quiddith match. I think if they'd left out some of the pointless fancy, overdone-ness of effects like that they would have had more time to add to the actual important part of the storyline.

All in all? Pretty good. I can't say I didn't thoroughly enjoy it, it was a great movie. I only think it needed a lot more of the important detail rather than flashy Ooh-Aah stuff, and I would give it two thumbs up.
Final: 7/10

Soul: Tired, but good

Sounds: Nothing really

2002-12-10T11:48:00.000-05:00

Mental Health Day. Again.

Damn, I was just going to go in late, but my mum just let me stay home to-day. Strange. Sooo I'm playing hookie... we're gonna go shopping, it'll be dandy. I really shouldn't have missed to-day, seeing as I do have some stuff to catch up on... but c'est la vie. I gotta get back into the groove of things anyway, I'm really out of it lately with drama and such.

Which is over, I say again. Pout. Oh well... The tryouts for the musical are this week (Tomorrow, actually.) but I dun think I'm going for it. I haven't sung in ages, and I'm already tired as hell... I'll just say with drama. Music isn't my game.

But! Writing torture and silly humor is! I've got a new binder where I'm putting in everything I write, so if I get bored I have the last bit of what I was writing so I remember where I was. Nifty, nifty. My binder bebe needs a name, though. Shall ponder. Ponder, ponder.

Sooo... I'm still just as detatched from the world (Maybe moreso.) and I really need to reunite with some people. Like... persay, my girlfriend. Or Cassiel. He can come second - since he's... not real. Yee-aaah...

Wizard day, though. Wizard.

Soul: Tragic, happy, and tired.

Sounds: Various songs I have stuck in my head.

2002-12-09T20:36:00.000-05:00

Boredom.

Fumka better start killing people soon, or I think I will for him. Bored, bored, bored. Bored as hell. Bored enough to go murder someone and sacrafice them. It'd keep me busy for a bit, no? Le sigh.

We ripped down the set to-day. Disassembled half of a house within a few hours. I miss everyone already. Pout, pout. I'll see them all again though when we go to Ieta on Broadway on drama field trip. Fun, fun. For now... pout. Whine. Bitch. Moan.

Yes, and I'd like some cheese too.

Soul: Bored.

Sounds: Utada Hikaru - Simple and Clean

2002-12-08T20:02:00.000-05:00

First preformance!

Note! This post is actually from Friday. It just didn't post. Grr.

Can we say Wo0T?! Oh, yes! Hot damn, boys and girls, to-day was a good day. We did two assemblies for the school which went pretty well, we wandered, blah blah blah. Took a nap on the stage for about a half an hour. Wandered some more... Then we did our first preformance after doing the hokey-pokey!

Daaamn! Very good for first. We got a standing ovation, and the play itself was great. After, most of us went out for dinner at the SynDin. Car ride was the damn best part. On the way back, we sang various songs, including quite a few from Moulin Rouge. E-koko got solo on Diamonds! Yay! I love that song so. Marylin Monroe, Nicole Kidman, who the hell cares?! It's a good song. Love, love. Much love.

And I'm home. And I've had coffee. Coffee and two glasses of soda. And I'm hyped. Like, like, like... CAFFIENE pill hyped. Like, VHERA! Hyped. Happy, happy, joy joy.

...Damn, I just read that, and I'm worried for myself. Taking a chill pill now. *siiigh*

Splendid, darling, splendid.

Soul: SUPER!

Sounds: OMC - How Bizarre

2002-12-02T18:31:00.000-05:00

Yawn.

I wish I woke up naked this morning. It would have been nice.

Sooo... my weekend was alright, really. I had a nice lil' party with Jillian, and I went to the mall yesterday. Thaat was fun. I wandered around for abit with Amanda, bought meself a new belt and underware and... stuff in general. Good time, good time. I had to go back to drama to-day, after my four day weekend from Parsons. Argh.

So I'm just chillin'... and wondering if I really wanna dye my hair that shade of purple... and debating how gay Fumka really is... and thinking what to write. Something dramatic. Something sick. Something bloody. Something... fun.

Soul: Exhausted

Sounds: TV

2002-11-30T23:30:00.000-05:00

Blaah....

Good weekend so far. Need sleep. Mer.

Soul: Tired. Good.

Sounds: It'll be Bond soon. Libertango. Mmmm....

2002-11-28T18:18:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well...

Happy Fucking Thanksgiving. So much for mood swing, eh?So we finally sat down, my entire family. Brother, Mummy, Daddy, and moi. Together. Jon started off by making a point (He could have pointed it out better, and didn't need to be jackass about it.) about how he thought we should have celebrated. He did so after my mother set out plates of food she'd spent quite a bit of time on the food, which hurt her feelings. She didn't feel appreciated, so she cried and my dad started being the negative jerk he usually is. After Jon left he just kept ranting on how "Well, he'll get -blah blah blah" What he deserves, you know. Finally, I snapped, and said firmly (I didn't scream or anything) flat out why he never sleeps at night and why he's always sick and miserable. (Point being, he's always negative and has horrendeous karma.) He shrugged me off, as always, and told me I have to face reality. Mom agreed with me, I could tell, but still didn't say anything about it.

God damn it, I hate living with him. Heaven forbid his daughter, whom is trying to learn another goddamned language for his sorry ass, is a clairvoyant lesbian. Heaven forbid anything in his hoursehold be too out of the box. Fucker.

Actually, quite a while ago I came to the conclusion I'm not learning Spanish for him. I am because I love the culture far more than I appreciate anything here, and I intend to visit as many Spanish speaking countries as I can. Hell, I'm learning Spanish for Fumka's health more than I am for my dad. Argh, argh, ARGH!

So anyway... while thankful for what I have - I've explained to myself and others how grateful I really am and don't feel I need to do it again. You know, I've noticed all the holiday's of the last year have really sucked.

...What the hell is this?

Soul: Disappointed and frusterated

Sounds: Bond - Shine

2002-11-28T15:55:00.000-05:00

Tra la LAA!

Yes! Cliques! Damn it! Alright... I'm writing it on my hand this time. That's the only way I'll remember anything... There we go! In nice, vivid black ink, too. I'll see you to-night, and we can talk ^^;;

Ow... I just bit off my nail... Oh, Happy Thanksgiving for those of you whom are out there and American. Wo0t! Turkey! I smell pie... Heh... Warm apple pie. (Shameless plug.) So anyway - we have the day off to do nothing! And I have a six day weekend! Joy! Time to draw and write and... sit and be a lazy bum! Joy supreme. Which reminds me... I'm going to edit some Blair and Lucifer-ness, write some Olde English High-ness, edit some stuffies, and maybe update my site some more.

Soul: Rather merry

Sounds: Reel Big Fish - Take On Me